Sit back, ’cause I’m gonna tell you a story about one of my recent online experiences. Before I start, though, I want to be clear in that I’m not particularly grossed out or annoyed by this – I just think it’s funny as hell.
So I’m sitting on Tumblr (shameless plug – follow me at kaitlyncrow.tumblr.com for a pictorial version of my life) one night, uploading pictures and minding my own business, when I notice a message notification from a blog that I don’t follow. So, I click on the URL to see who this person is, and it’s a blog of really artistic, carnal, monochromatic porn. So I’m like thinking it’s just some horny guy and I shouldn’t engage. I continue with my adventuring.
But I’m one of those people that can’t stand unread notifications. So, naturally, I click on the message.
It’s a woman! She introduces herself as Liz and she’s wondering how I’m doing. She even accompanies the message with a picture of her face.
So we get to talking about meaningless stuff like the books we’re reading and our hobbies. She starts slipping in a lot of comments like “you’re gorgeous btw!” and stuff, so I’m starting to think that something is definitely up. My guard is up but I continue the conversation. But then she asks me if I’m a student, and I’m like “yes” and then she’s like “great! I’m an accountant and my hubby is an attorney.” So now I relax, because she’s married, right?
She asks if I’m dating anyone, and I tell her about my boyfriend and she’s like “that’s so cool.” And she starts talking about the adventures her and her husband go on and even sends me pictures of them doing outdoorsy things. She asks me if my boyfriend and I are adventurous, and I’m like “yeah!” because, I don’t know, it’s kind of lame to say you and your boyfriend don’t go on adventures.
Anyways, then she goes “are you bisexual?” Since it’s no secret that I am, I’m like “yeah, but the farthest I’ve gone with a girl is making out.”
“let me change that?”
which is a line I’ve heard from teenage guys when I would tell them I wasn’t seeing anyone but never from a grown ass woman. Regardless, I’m like, “no, when I’m with someone I’m only with them.”
Now I’m thinking she’ll stop messaging me because I turned her down.
“I see. Would your boyfriend ever like to play?”
And I’m like WHAAAAAAAT? Kaitlyn does not like to SHARE. So I told her that. She stopped messaging me soon after.
TL;DR – my jealous ass was hilariously propositioned for a threesome by a strange, married woman on the internet