Starting Sophomore Year

I’ve moved into my campus apartment! Classes started on Monday.  I got super lucky this semester in that I have absolutely no classes on Friday.  However, due to where I live in regards to campus, (a leisurely 20 minute walk to the art building, a leisurely 15 minute walk to the English/Modern Languages building, or a 10 minute bus ride that lands me about 3 minutes from either building) I have to wake up at approximately 8 am on the days during which I do have classes.  These past two days I’ve mostly walked to and from campus.  On Mondays and Wednesdays, I have time to go back to the apartment between 11 am and 4 pm, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have time to go back to the apartment between 2:30 pm and 6 pm.  But it looks as though there’s going to be a lot of times where I stay on campus anyways to work on assignments.

Anyways, it’s soooo nice to see my friends.  I spent most of the summer with just my family, and, once a week, for the most part, my boyfriend.  Now there are more people.  This also kind of sucks.  I think I’m too introverted for college.  Like, I can tolerate the amount of people around me at all times, and the constant activity, for a little while, but most of the time I’m like “please leave me alone.”  Today, I was walking to Chick-fil-a and some random guy I didn’t even know and definitely wasn’t making eye contact with was like “Hi” and I was thinking like “dude chill.”  My headphones were even in, you know?  I’m one of those students you hear about that’s like “yeah I was ready to get out of there after the first year.”  I definitely won’t be one of those students who isn’t ready to leave.

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Crying is Okay

On October 8th, 2016, I was sexually assaulted.  I was raped.  I’m not here to talk about that, though, not really.  So I’ll skate through the details: I internalized the hell out of what happened, blamed myself, didn’t press charges on my attacker (a fellow student at my university), refused to talk about it, fell into a deep, isolation-induced depression, went home, and almost dropped out of school.  I stayed home for a week in the middle of the semester, around the time of Halloween.  I didn’t drop out, though, and I’m flourishing today, but it was a close call.

At the time, my sister, Kylie, was living away from home at a therapeutic boarding school in West Virginia.  She had no idea what was going on, really, and I didn’t know what my parents were telling her about my situation.  Communication with my sister was tough during the time she was in West Virginia because the only way to contact her was through letters.  I sent her a bunch, and I only received a few back – very sporadically.

Fast forward to yesterday.  Kylie is home from her therapeutic boarding school, permanently.  I’m home from college for the summer.  While unpacking her things, Kylie found a letter she had written to me and never sent.  She gave it to me a few days ago, and I just got to opening it.  It’s marked November 1st, which was around the time I had decided not to drop out of school after all.  She wrote:

“I heard school is stressing you out.  I get that, school + being away from home is hard but I know you can and will do great.  I’m really proud of you for going back.”

I bawled my fucking eyes out, man.  Happy tears.  I had to go run into her room and give her a hug.  My sister didn’t even know what was really going on, but she believed in me so hard.  Oh man.  I love my sister so much, and I’m so glad to have her on my team.

I’m going to save this letter for the rest of my life.

I hope those of you reading this have a wonderful day.

Adventures in Tumblrland

Sit back, ’cause I’m gonna tell you a story about one of my recent online experiences.  Before I start, though, I want to be clear in that I’m not particularly grossed out or annoyed by this – I just think it’s funny as hell.

So I’m sitting on Tumblr (shameless plug – follow me at kaitlyncrow.tumblr.com for a pictorial version of my life) one night, uploading pictures and minding my own business, when I notice a message notification from a blog that I don’t follow.  So, I click on the URL to see who this person is, and it’s a blog of really artistic, carnal, monochromatic porn.  So I’m like thinking it’s just some horny guy and I shouldn’t engage.  I continue with my adventuring.

But I’m one of those people that can’t stand unread notifications. So, naturally, I click on the message.

It’s a woman! She introduces herself as Liz and she’s wondering how I’m doing.  She even accompanies the message with a picture of her face.

So we get to talking about meaningless stuff like the books we’re reading and our hobbies.  She starts slipping in a lot of comments like “you’re gorgeous btw!” and stuff, so I’m starting to think that something is definitely up.  My guard is up but I continue the conversation.  But then she asks me if I’m a student, and I’m like “yes” and then she’s like “great! I’m an accountant and my hubby is an attorney.”  So now I relax, because she’s married, right?

She asks if I’m dating anyone, and I tell her about my boyfriend and she’s like “that’s so cool.” And she starts talking about the adventures her and her husband go on and even sends me pictures of them doing outdoorsy things.  She asks me if my boyfriend and I are adventurous, and I’m like “yeah!” because, I don’t know, it’s kind of lame to say you and your boyfriend don’t go on adventures.

Anyways, then she goes “are you bisexual?”  Since it’s no secret that I am, I’m like “yeah, but the farthest I’ve gone with a girl is making out.”

AND THEN

SHE’S LIKE

“let me change that?”

which is a line I’ve heard from teenage guys when I would tell them I wasn’t seeing anyone but never from a grown ass woman.  Regardless, I’m like, “no, when I’m with someone I’m only with them.”

Now I’m thinking she’ll stop messaging me because I turned her down.

BUT THEN

SHE GOES

“I see. Would your boyfriend ever like to play?”

And I’m like WHAAAAAAAT? Kaitlyn does not like to SHARE. So I told her that. She stopped messaging me soon after.

 

TL;DR – my jealous ass was hilariously propositioned for a threesome by a strange, married woman on the internet

Endeavors

I finished my freshman year of college on May 9th. I made Dean’s List, which was pretty amazing – nobody who knows what they’re talking about has ever told me that I’m GOOD at school before, so that felt good.

Currently, I’m waiting to hear back on several poetry submissions and one submission of flash fiction.  In the meantime, I’m working on a chapbook of love poems. I’ve never been able to write quality love poems, so this is exciting to me.

Also, I’m still doing school online! I’m currently taking a prerequisite Spanish 102 course and a gen-ed course called Contemporary Social Problems (SOCL 102).  After SOCL 102, I’ll be taking Enviromental Science and the World History: 1500’s – now.  It’s kind of dumb, but these classes get me out of bed in the morning.

Lastly, my family is moving! In 6 days, I’ll have left behind being a resident of Northern Virginia and will begin living in Midlothian.  Pretty cool.

Those are my endeavors.  Here’s a excerpt from a poem I wrote today called “The B Side”

I’m no longer in mint condition

because someone took me out of my box

and played with me,